A lot of clients wish they had a “do over.” They want to be able to go back in time, change something, make a different choice, go down a different road. But I happen to believe that where you are right now is exactly where you’re supposed to be – whether you like it or not. And I’m not talking about destiny or predetermined reality. I’m talking about the fact that every single incident in your life, every choice, every action, everything you’ve done or has been done to you leads to this moment, right now, where you are. That doesn’t mean that you have to like where you are now. It doesn’t mean you can’t be angry about the bad stuff that’s happened to you. It just means that whatever happened, however you got to this place, here you are. Now what will you do?
You Can Only Go Forward
You can’t continue to blame and criticize yourself or others. You can’t hang on to some fantasy: “If only I had done this instead of that.” You can’t continue to believe that someone else is responsible for what comes next. No. The beginning of personal responsibility is the realization that every action leads to consequences – even inaction has consequences. Once you accept that your future is a product of what you do right now, in this moment, and the next, and the next. Then you can begin taking responsibility for that future by taking actions that align with who you want to be – not who you’ve been told you are, or who your parents decided you were years ago.
You Do You
Of course, to do this you must have some idea of who you want to be, and this is often where clients get stuck. They have been living as versions of themselves that were true to what they were told to be, or true to who they thought they were twenty years ago. But it’s not working. Finding new life is often about unraveling the tangle of stories, identities and confused narratives that make up that past, freeing you from the constraints of those stories so you can take actions that align with who you want to be in the future. As those actions unfold, new possibilities emerge, and slowly a new identity will unfold as well – one that is freer and truer.
One day you’ll look back and see a whole new set of actions and happenings that have led you to a new place – a place that feels right. You didn’t know exactly where you were headed, but you knew how to take one step toward being true to yourself each day. Suddenly the present moment is right. It’s complete. It’s true.